The nights I would lock myself in the bathroom
I made a covenant with the tiles
Sealed with my liquid pain.
You were gone, usually.
A pub, a store, maybe a whore
Getting drunk with the spirits
While I tried to find God by carving patterns on my arm
Except I never found him.
I only ever heard the sadness drumming against my throat.
Until you would come back.
Then, it was your voice.
Loud, lunacy raging
And I would pray to the tiles that you would find
Your way to the bed or floor outside the door.



It hurt…………………. (so much)
To be…………………… (born again).
In your womb ……………..(my mother)
I was an angel…………… (I’m sorry).
Until exposure…………….(the light).
And I crawled……………..(burning my flesh);
And I consorted……………(cover me with dirt).
With the unclean…………. (wash me away).
Do you still love me?…….. (my mother)
Will you hold me?………… (sing me a lullaby).
But I’m crying ……………(of my death).
You don’t recognize me now… (my rebirth).
I’m just a worm …………..(back into the dirt).
I will crawl away …………(existing).

The Fight

“You will lose one arm.
Go out to the desert now and fight.
“But you will fight that creature who has four arms.
He knows your weakness.
But he knows not your strength.”

She told me this.
Cut off my arm
And scooped out my eye.
“You will lose one eye.
Go out to the desert now and see.
But you will see the eye in the sky.
He sees all of you
But he does not know you.”

she hummed a lullaby,
Covered me with sand,
And put out the sun.

I woke up.
The eye tracing shadows on my face.
And then, shadows reaching for me.
I looked up.
Four tentacles embracing the space
Of what should have been there.
“What do you want?” I asked
“Why do you ask?”
I answered him with silence and wept.
“I was once a man like you,” he whispered
“One day I had a choice to be
Whatever I wanted to be.”

“What did you want to be?” I breathed
But everything is nothing.”

He then choked himself with oblivion


They swam across the sea of time
To embrace in the deep dark world.
They breathed each other in their cave
Because the world outside was too cold.

They were lovers of a different time
Before people became empty shells.
She was his thoughts, he was her words
In the land of silent reverie.

And they would laugh, and they would play
And then make love outside all day.
They were two, they were one, and then three
And they played like dolphins in the sea.

But that, but that, was suns ago
Before saturn shattered the moon.
Only echoes of their love remain
Inside that future they forgot.

These days, these days, he hears too much
And she doesn’t want to think anymore.
She wants to hold him in silence
But he is deafened by the roaring world.

Come back, come back, she cried to him
But he was gone, he was gone gone away.
And she never left the cave again
And she was gone, she was gone gone away.

They were once two and one and three
But now they’re gone, they’re gone gone away.
Into the sea, the sea, into the sea
They were once two and one and three.

(first and third lines: E A E A A)
(second and fourth lines: G B# F# E A)


Water with water we swam.
Swimming never happened on land.
Dirty lungs,
Coughing up bricks.
Tossed onto a land of concrete reality.
Two hard bodies.
You never heard the rhythm again.
I never sang again.
Never dancing again,
Never merging again,
Our souls sank
Many fathoms ago.
Eaten by sharks.
Love is heavy.
Too heavy for you.
I tried
To love you.
Without sticks and strings and stones.
But the air suffocates you,
You died.
A fish out of water.
I’m still flapping.
Fins against dirt.

Human Alchemy

You didn’t realize.
(I don’t think).
That I was not impressed,
(Nor in love with)
Your useless genius.
The cosmos fell out of your mouth
Littering our space with divine garbage.
God junk.
Man junk.
Animal junk.
Philosophical junk.
My brain would mop it up.
Twist it;
Wring some of it back out.
You knew everything.
You didn’t know me.
Said I was too enigmatic.
When really you didn’t understand.
Alchemical emotions.
How fire could burn inside
Human framework of flesh
And not die
And not consume.
I tried to show you.

But human nature errs.
(I am human).
I was not perfect either.
(I tried to be).
Nor strong enough.
You thought I was.
That was the greatest deception.
Perhaps the greatest enigmatic mistake.
I, the charlatan hercules.
Lead painted glass I was.
Always breaking slowly; infinitely.
I couldn’t save you.
Fire eventually dies.
Or consumes everything.
And then dies.

Ego Kills

I was addicted to my own annihilation.
Three times.
Worse than a heroin addict
Chasing the dragon to death-
One time dead.
But I never died
My own ego,
A smooth talking doppelganger
Wrapped in pretty colors and razors.
Sold me out.
Three times.
The first one destroyed me
In a small room of cages and asylums.
(note to physical self: never trust an obsessed psycho who masquerades
As a guitar playing witch doctor)
After that I was a different color inside.
Black colored over the purple.
The second one obliterated me
In an open field of wine glasses and bones.
(note to emotional self: never love the magician who marauds
As your long lost soul twin)
After that I was a different sound inside.
Drums beating out the vibrato.
The third one killed me
In a city of vacuous demigods and whores.
(note to psyche self: Never mingle with a sycophant who wears
The costume of a genius)
After that I was a different taste inside.
Something like rotting grapes without the wine.