love you and miss you terribly. Not because I can’t be alone. I can be alone.
I’ve been alone. But you were the one that I wanted to grow old with.
To share a life with. To share a love with. Life is nothing without love.
I didn’t want just anybody. I thought you were the one. The one to wake up with in the morning and make some coffee with while the sun is peeking through windows
sliding on your sleepy face. The face that I want to wake up with playful morning kisses. The one to laugh with and tease, and interrupt a dull work day with lighthearted messages. The one to come home to in safety and comfort with a home base built on love, trust, caring, and courage.
I thought you would be the one to sometimes rouse me from half slumbers with caresses that become more tender with age, because you know every inch of my body, but most importantly my soul, and know how to make it glow…and I wanted to be there for you while you pour sunbeams out of your soul, because you were happy, and happy to be with me and know me….and we would grow old together…content in a shared life of experiences and soul basking, and loving each other more because we overcame obstacles and loved each other more, because we had courage…courage to leap outside of ourselves and truly see the other one, and still love them anyways…In my womanly heart that was bursting, I wanted to give you everything,
and I did give you most of me (and I wanted to give you more…the light that only a woman can manifest on this earthly realm)…but you forgot…and pushed me away,
…so I will give you what you want…and go away.

a girl

just wanted to love. That is all….but he doesn’t even like her anymore…
he doesn’t know that she traces his face inside her mind and tries to put herself
to sleep stuck in a memory of him folding an arm across her heart, and it almost works, but he isn’t really there…(she wears the key and first stone to bed).

and she tries to go sleep and reminds herself of this “He pushed away the pain so hard, disconnected himself from the person he loved the most.”
but this isn’t a movie…this is real life, and he might not love her anymore.

a girl

still loves a boy…and she is holding a space in her heart
hearth…tending the fire

with lullabies
and other pieces of her heart

so that this whole space of her heart is this fire.

because she still hopes fiercely with this fire…

A girl

still loves a boy

(she doesn’t even know how to write the poetry right anymore)

a forest

A boy was crying in the forest. Lost. A girl tries to find him.
But she already has a dagger in her back. A girl is slow.
When she finally finds him, he is angry. Why did it take a girl so long?
He doesn’t see the dagger already in her back. Intead of giving her a hug ( he would have found the dagger if he had) he pushes her away. A boy is lost in a forest.
A girl is stumbling around in a forest slowly bleeding out.

When it burns

so much
to think.
I want my light bulb to break
just because the pain of holding
it in my heart hurts
too much.
Rushing up my throat
a fire.
I can’t eat.
I can’t sleep.
Somebody take this light bulb
I can see in the dark now.

A boy

A boy built a wall between him and a girl.
He forgot to add a door.
Once day he left a girl behind a wall forever.

A girl

A girl remembers the first time she time she had ever seen him.
(He didn’t see her)

A girl

A girl had a name…
A girl wakes up smiling until she realizes she is alone again. She almost smelled his skin, but he hasn’t slept next to her in over a year…
A girl felt unloveable and pretended not to notice how the days became months, the caterpillars became moths, the days and butterflies died, and he didn’t seem to care…until it was too late. But even then it wasn’t too late. A girl just needed a heart. A real live heart.
So that she could feel real. Paper boys and paper girls just cut each other up. But she is crying oceans, and sliding out of her paper skin. She misses him. The real him. When all he wanted was to hold her close to his real heart at night.
A girl has no name.


Our love dead ends here
where electricity courses
through cords like the
love once pulsed through
our bodies. We were un-
plugged machines for each other
revved up on high octane.
These days you prefer your
ether siphoned through a net
spun of wires and digital handiwork.
I refuse to stay plugged in.
Lightning is too heavy to carry
in my ungrounded soul.